I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
