what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
