I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
