If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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