I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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