wake up i wanna do it froggy style
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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