using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I've blown a few things in my day
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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