i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
