I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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