look no pants
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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