where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
