lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
