omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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