Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
