There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
This baby is an asshole
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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