bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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