Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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