I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
