As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
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I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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