my mouth tastes like poor choices
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
