Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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