3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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