He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
