we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
