Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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