It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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