I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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