Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
