put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
