Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
