I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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