Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
