Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
