she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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