i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
