you would pick up someone in the library
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
