the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
