What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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