No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
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