i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
