it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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