he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
