I must be too annoying 4 u.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
