All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
