she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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