She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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