We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
