You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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