Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
