Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
