i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
