I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
