Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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