I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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