When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize