I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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