I need help removing her.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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