life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I am naked and annoyed.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
