And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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