you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
