Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
