I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
