maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
