I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
