It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
