he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Can I color on your dick again?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
