Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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