I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
