i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
