Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
