Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Apparently you make a good broom.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
