I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
jump out the window naked night went bad
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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